Good Mothers Are Not Exhausted

Becoming a mom was a dream come true and I wore my new status with great pride.

With motherhood came responsibility for another life and so I diligently put the needs of the children before my own. Through trial and error, and tears, to be honest, I developed a daily routine and managed the care and keeping of everyone in the house. I made sure that everyone had what they wanted and needed. I consciously only made plans for myself when those plans wouldn’t conflict with anyone else’s schedule. I knew my place on the priority list: last. It was what I believed to be the mark of a good mom and a good wife.

I thought all the responsibilities of home, children and family were mine to sort, solve and take care of. I believed that anticipating the needs of everyone else and providing for them defined my success as a mom and proved my worth as a wife. I really thought this to be true. It was draining.

My exhaustion and frustration seemed to indicate I was a great parent and partner but I wasn’t particularly happy or enjoying my roles. I didn’t know how to make myself feel better except to try harder, which meant doing more. That didn’t work.

I was so wiped out, something had to give. I was breaking down.I was cranky, unhappy, snappy. I was resentful, feeling incompetent and dejected. I remember finally reaching my breaking point knowing something had to change immediately. I sat on my couch and googled answers. It was there I read about self care. I was surprised to learn that putting myself last was the opposite of success. I read over and over, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.”

Self care literally changed everything.

This new concept of doing things I enjoy a few times throughout the day and making myself a priority was like turning on a light in a dark room.

It was awkward at first to think of and do things for myself because it was changing my routine and schedule. Plus, I didn't know what I liked. It had been so long since I thought about what I might like doing or what made me happy.

Soon, I wasn’t thinking about what to make for dinner (which everyone would complain about anyway) because I was out walking. I walked, I sat in the hot tub, I went for massages, I took long showers, I saw my friends. It was an amazing new perspective.

Walking relaxed me and I was more patient with the kids. My mood and outlook were improved. My new ‘happy” seemed to peel back layers of tension between me and my husband, too.

He loved hearing that I was happy. He didn’t care when I said I didn’t have time to make dinner because I was going walking. The world didn’t collapse because I didn’t make dinner. The kids didn’t mind when I told them to have whatever they wanted and the best part was, I didn’t care either!

I was feeling good. Not for just the minute but for hours afterwards. Self care reminded me how important I am and how important my happiness is.

My walks are my salvation. Going for a mile walk is nice but if I really want to clear my head, relax, get to that peaceful, calm space, I need a four mile walk. And I take it. I am worth it!

I am at the top of the priority list now and the family is better for it!

I am so much happier, nicer, better at taking care of my family and work when my own tank is full. I am more productive, energized and creative these days and I love my life!

It makes sense to me now when the flight attendants say to put on your oxygen mask first, before taking care of anyone else.