Bad Habits

A story from my journal...

My husband and I were relaxing in the den. He sat on the couch; I was on the big cozy chair facing him. We were each reading or playing games quietly on our respective ipads. 

The silence was broken by him wanting to tell me something.

He started to state an idea about how we could arrange some things that needed to be done and before he finished his sentence, I shot the idea down. "No," I said, "that won't work." He sighed.

Two minutes later, he expressed another thought and I shot it down with a head shake, a scrunched facial expression, and disapproving sound, unh-uh." 

His facial expression shifted from proud and calm to hurt, annoyed, frustrated and then became angry and he got up from the couch mumbling something under his breath.

In that moment, I realized I did it again. I didn't let the him speak. I shot him down and dismissed him. 

I want my husband to share his thoughts and feelings with me. I’ve begged for it, demanded it, cried about, lost sleep over it…and....here it was, I cut him off before he even got his full thought out. Again.

The ugly side of controlling behavior showing itself. Not to mention how disrespectful too. Ugh.

Like a bad habit, I did it over and over again even though it was the opposite of what I kept saying I wanted. I wanted him to share with me, talk to me, be close to me, initiate, care, and be a partner in solving problems but I kept sliding into that old familiar pattern that was wreaking havoc in our relationship. 

The problem wasn't that he had bad ideas, though, I think sometimes he said things just to see how I would respond...The problem was that I was not responding in alignment with the way I said I wanted the relationship to be.

He didn't have to change his ideas. I had do a better job of being ME...the me with whom he excitedly and openly shares his ideas and feelings. 

I can only control me and apparently it is a full time job. 

That was then.

Now we listen to each other, we figure things out together. Heck, we sold our house of 30 years, moved to the beach to fulfill one of my dreams and we are enjoying our time together! It really can be so good!

Being the best version of myself is amazing. Becoming the best version, took energy and truthfully, it was (and is!) the greatest, hardest, most fulfilling and rewarding personal growth journey one can take. The results are extraordinary! And if you are reading this, you are worth it too.

Let's talk about what you would love and how you can have it all. Schedule a Relationship Clarity call here